As I was contemplating what to wear to my friend’s birthday party, I was also contemplating going at all. So many people – people I didn’t know. The card said there would be a trampoline, and a jump house, which worsened my anxiety. As I searched for the perfect outfit, I found my knee brace from a few years back. My problem was solved! My 10 year old self wore that knee brace to the party – and when I was sitting inside with one or two other people, everyone just assumed I was resting my knee. Jump house? Trampoline? Of course not. No jokes would come my way about being boring. No assumptions that I am “no fun.” The knee brace I wore to that party was more a brace for my mind than a brace for my knee. It was an excuse to be who I am.
Who am I? I am an introvert, tried and true. For many years, I was unaware of the two differing personality types dominating our world. I would often be left confused at why I hated doing all the things that made my peers look so happy. I never understood that it wasn’t that I didn’t like to have fun; it was just that my fun was different from theirs. Reading a book by the fire with my parents is much more appealing to me than going out to eat with a large group. My friends are few, but my connections to them are deep and lasting. I enjoy long conversations about things that matter and I love time to think and write. I am an artist, obsessed with photography and the written word. I am not quick to react out of emotion, but take a more logic based approach to dealing with life’s conflicts. I listen – listen to everything around me, and often end up being the person someone calls on in a time of need. I enjoy leading, and speaking in front of large groups of people. I very rarely take risks that could result in public ridicule, and am very easily embarrassed in front of people I don’t know well.
Before I started studying the introvert-extrovert spectrum, I did not associate myself with either extreme. I did not feel that any part of me listed above fit into either side of what I thought the spectrum was. I wasn’t shy, rude, anxious, depressed, and I didn’t hate people. I think I’m the opposite of all those things, so because that was who I thought an introvert was, I thought maybe I was an extrovert. But I had none of the qualities that my mind associated with extroverts either, such as the constant loudness and need for attention. Because of this lack of an obvious answer, I researched more into what introversion and extroversion truly meant, beyond the haze of what society epitomizes them to be. The definition of an introvert: ME. The definition of an extrovert? OPPOSITE OF ME. Everything about who I was, what I like and don’t like, what I do and don’t do, what makes me cringe and what lights me up; all of it lined up identically with everything I learned an introvert to be, and none of what I learned an extrovert to be. Extroverts are built for action, and they reflect and react simultaneously. This leads to a feeling of comfort within the unknown. They have social skills, and are often the life of the party. They are the gossip; and often, you will know everything they are thinking because they will voice it. They are often involved in conflict with their bounty of friends, and are generally not naturally artistic. “Introverts, in contrast, have strong social skills and enjoy parties, but after a while just wish they were home in their PJs. They prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, and colleagues, and family. They listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversation. They tend to dislike conflict and many have a horror of small talk, but enjoy deep discussions (Cain 39).”
I had grown up trying to be what society glorified: loud, charismatic, sociable, and over all, a part of the crowd. But as I continued to grow and mature, I realized that for one, I didn’t often like what the crowd stood for; and two, I just didn’t like crowds at all. As I progressed into junior high, I realized I could fake it pretty well – fake it all. The smiles, the gossip, the useless chit chat. The group projects were nightmarish, and my strive to get the A gave everyone else an A, which made me even more angry. Wanting to work alone began to seem like a bad thing, and I often tried to change my habits to fit societal expectations.
My research has resulted in an affirmation that society as a whole does idolize the more extroverted person. As beautifully put by introverted op-ed columnist Bryan Walsh, America is land of the loud and home of the talkative. We vote for the relatable politicians, instead of the smartest ones. We see the chit chatty people as happy, and no matter what, we strive to be that. “From classrooms built around group learning to open-plan offices that encourage endless meetings, it sometimes seems that the quality of your work has less value than the volume of your voice (Walsh).” However, Susan Cain, best-selling author of the book, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, is bringing to light the immense gifts that introverted people bring to this world.
Albert Einstein, for example, was a supreme introvert, and once said, “It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer.” This is an idea that most introverted people would understand, and it is also why the few introverts that reach leadership positions end up doing extraordinarily well. My father is deeply introverted, but he is also the CEO of a real estate company, with thousands of employees under his leadership. Traits of his introversion are very obvious, but these traits directly correlate to the traits that everyone loves about him, and they are what make him so successful. In the face of conflict, he always reacts out of logic first, wanting to gain all the facts and determine the actual consequences before all else. Extroverted leaders often react out of raw emotion, which usually makes problems worse and often alienates employees. Introverted leaders also have more individualized relationships with their workforce, psychologically leading to enhanced employee performance. Psychologists have determined “that effective leaders should focus on mentoring, empowering, and developing people, behaviors that are more consistent with introverts than extroverts (Williams).”
While introverts should not be passed up for leadership roles, leaders must also not pass up the needs of their introverted employees. In this new ‘conceptual’ age, businesses like Zappos and Google are transforming their offices into playgrounds meant to foster growth and innovation for the company, via increased happiness levels from their employees. Many companies are slowly following their example, and with that comes many open plan offices, team rooms, boards, get togethers, and the creation of a family/team like atmosphere. This is a great new model for American businesses, but there must also be a place for the introverts among us to go. While the rollerskating and segwaying around the office is fun for all, there are some that only want to do that for a little while, and then would prefer to go work alone. Because one out of every two or three people identify themselves as introverted, businesses would have much to gain by giving them the ability to also function at their highest intellectual level – a level of which can only be reached in solitude.
This favoring, per se, of the extroverted mind is not necessarily our natural tendency; however, because of the rise of what Susan Cain calls ‘groupthink,’ many children are raised in environments that award extroverts and shun introverts. This creates a predisposition that follows them into their lives and their careers. As Susan Cain recently said in a piece in the NY Times, “Today, elementary school classrooms are commonly arranged in pods of desks, to better foster group learning. Even subjects like math and creative writing are often taught as committee projects.” Tests are being given to the group, with only one grade, forcing the rest to get the grade of the loudest and most persuasive person. Not only is this unfair, it is beyond uncomfortable for an introverted student. And while we can’t attempt to make everyone happy, we must try to allow for more autonomy within schools, so that introverted students don’t grow up to be fake extroverts.
The amount of ‘fake extroverts’ we have surrounding us, I guarantee, is staggering. What is also staggering is the amount of intellect and knowledge we are losing by not catering to their need for more autonomy, in the schools and the workplace. This is about much more than making your employees or your students comfortable – this is about providing them the space at which their brain is literally designed to work better in.
Introvert’s brains are designed to work alone – and were designed to be uninterrupted. On the same token, one would think that an extroverted brain is designed to work with others; however, it is not. Solitude is a large ingredient within good ideas, revelations and epiphanies. “Solitude has long been associated with transcendence. Moses, Jesus, Buddha, went by themselves,” off into the quiet wild and ended up becoming historical figures that most will always remember. And, as observed by psychologist Hans Eysenck, “concentrating the mind on the tasks in hand, prevents the dissipation of energy on social matters…” It is as if introverted people were simply born with the innate knowing of how to get the most out of their efforts. Extroverted people may thrive on the camaraderie of group activities; however, they are still going to be more efficient, innovated people if they give themselves time to think, alone.
In this loud, fast paced, technologically group based society we live in, where charisma is lionized, we must remember the way in which we are engineered to think most effectively if we want to leave a meaningful impact. In schools and the workplace alike, we must allow for more readily available, optional autonomy. The best, most neutral way to handle these two diverse personalities in this world is to work autonomously on individual pieces of the puzzle, and then come together at the end to figure out how the pieces all fit. “Culturally, we’re often so dazzled by charisma that we overlook the quiet part of the creative process,” a scientifically significant part.
But as to most problems, there are also answers that lay within us, and the problem of honoring both personalities is no different. There exists two distinct personality types for a reason, and balance is essential. Opposites attract, and oftentimes, introverts and extroverts collaborate to create extraordinary things. Apple computers, for example, were created by a man named Steve. No, not Steve Jobs. Steve Wozniak, a self proclaimed introvert who designed the first Apple sitting in a cubicle at HP. He would also work on it at home, alone. He unveiled his amazing creation to his friend, Steve Jobs, and together co-founded Apple Computer (Cain). Steve Job’s supernatural magnetism got the company to where it is today, but it would be no where without the quiet skills of Steve Wozniak. In Wozniak’s memoir, he gives this advice to aspiring inventors:
Most inventors and engineers I’ve met are like me … they live in their heads. They’re almost like artists. In fact, the very best of them are artists. And artists work best alone …. I’m going to give you some advice that might be hard to take. That advice is: Work alone… Not on a committee. Not on a team. (Wozniak)
Apple Inc. is now one of the most successful companies in the world, having a net worth greater than most third-world countries. This immense level of success could not have been achieved without the extrovert, but it also could not have been achieved without the introvert. This marriage of the two personalities has created something all of us have come to rely upon and enjoy, and it is a partnership that we should all take note of. So while I focused on the hidden power of introverts, maybe we should look also at the hidden power of the two working together. With balance, and respect, awe inspiring things can emerge.
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